So, as most of you know, I haven't been around much. I was at my Moms for about 5 weeks to duck sit for her. Baby ducks are soooo cute!!!! Both of which are doing fine and I'm glad to say the cat didn't eat. ^_^

After that I moved from Houston to Kansas City. WOW! It's so different here, it's much smaller and not as busy. It feels nicer too, all the trees, not like Houston. I have to admit, I miss Texas, all the trees, my Mom, places I used to hang out at, but it's not so bad, I like it here. And Rock Fest was awesome!!!!

Ok, I'm gonna go see what I can get into. ;P Blessings guys.

So this has been driving me insane!!! I've been looking everywhere trying to find info on Dream Walkers!! And no one knows or wants to share!!!! So to make this easy:

 I think I ran into a Dream Walker the other night and now I'm all freaked out and wondering about them. So, a short description: I was hanging out with friends and I locked eyes with a guy in a funny top hat from across a parking lot, I asked my friend, B, if he knew him, B didn't see him. Jump ahead 5 scenes: I'm still hanging out with B and his friends, we all go to eat at Denny's or IHOP. The guy from earlier is there, I ask B about him, B doesn't know him, at all, never even heard of him. All of B's friends do know him, thinks he's great, can't stop talking about how great he is. Guy sits next to me at the table and starts talkeing to me, telling me I have the most beautiful colors he's ever seen, I'm in all black. Then I start to feel like I'm being invaded emotionaly/mentaly, drained almost, and all I know to do is scream 'no, stop it!' . That's where I wake up saying 'no, stop it!'

I knew a guy once, he could dream walk, but all the experiances I've had with him were nothing like this. I've had dream friends, for lack of a better term, that were like guides, and all those were warm, inviting, wonderious, relaxing and educational, not like this. This felt invasive, cold and hungry, almost rape like. I also wonder what he meant about the colors thing? How do dream walkers pick targets? Do they wait on the fringes of the dream world for anyone to pass by? Do targets have to meet certain criteria? Can it be someone you see at the mall or a club? Are targets ramdom?

I understand that not all people are good people, that some shamans/doctors/cops/etc. are unethical at times, and this by no means makes all people bad people. I wonder if measures can be taken to prevent such run-ins? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

So since my eye has been doing tons better, and I've been stuck in the house for soooo long, I decided to go out last Saturday and have some fun! I ended up at a gay club off I 59 and Hillcroft called Crystals, with a long time friend and some of his lesbian friends. It was so awesome, I had no idea I'd have so much fun. I didn't have to worry about drunk guys hitting on me or anything, I could relax and dance and not hafta worry about looking out for chick friends. Some how I always end up the look out for my chick friends when out at regular clubs, but it's a good thing, we all went together, we all leave together, can't be too careful. Supprizingly enough, hardly no one was smoking? It was nice to come home at the end of the night and not have to leave my clothes on the patio so the apt doesn't stink the next morn. Plus the general atmosphere was just so warm and inviting, eveyone was just looking for a good time with no problems. I've noticed in regular clubs alot of guys feel the need to get rude or start fights, but this was totally different. I'm deffinitly gonna make a point of going to more gay clubs.

It feels so good to be able to order my own drinks. ^_^ Ameretto Sours are so yummy....ummm

I thought this was cool as I always wanted to be a circus performer.

Your Aura is Orange

You're a bit of a loner, but you're never lonely. You know how to entertain yourself. Whether you're trying an extreme sport or a new weird food, you always live on the edge. The purpose of your life: testing limits - both physical and mental... and then telling people about it. Famous oranges include: Timothy Leary, David Blaine, Tony Hawk, Carey Hart Careers for you to try: Snowboarder, Circus Performer, Undercover Agent

So I spent all night at the hospital just for the doctor to give me ointment and tell me to keep hot compresses on it. I didn't get home till 7 this morning, and my eye is super blurry from the ointment, but the swelling has gone down. ^_^ If it wasn't red, it would look normal, so yay!

On a more Pagan-y note, I hate hospitals. Spirits wander the halls and bring that 'all the worlds sorrow' feeling with them. It's not so bad, they don't mean any harm ususally, but that feeling... It's like cold empty nothingness seeping into your bones, wraping around your heart and sinking in, and the next thing you know you're on your knees crying your eyes out and you don't know why, all you know it the pain and sufferring of the world... It's so overwelming, it leaves a taste in your heart like wanting to destroy the whole world...*shudder*

Anywho, gonna go now, stuff to do.

4:00 A.M.

I feel lost...I feel like I'm waiting, but I've always been waiting, I've always said 'tomorrow will be better'. I know that's wrong, I know I'm suppose to take initiative, get up and do it myself, not wait around for anyone or thing, but I don't know. I feel like I'm suppose to be doing something, but I don't have a clue as to what.

Maybe this is all me being silly, or the lack of sleep, or lack of food, or the spider bite seeping into my brain. Maybe I need a nice hot bath, or a trip to the beach, or to smoke till I don't remember my name, or a bottle of whiskey, or a voice of reason. Maybe I need a swift kick to the a$$. Just ... maybe... Maybe... I don't know. Maybe this is just me being a Piesces. "And dear Goddess, as long as I'm drinking this 5th of scotch tonight, please put it to your best use." heheh.

5:30 A.M. 

I called Momma and talked to her for an hour, hoping for a voice of reason. No such luck, but it was good to talk to her. ^_^ I think I need to just sit and meditate, clear my noggen. Clean the apt some, set up the Hookah, light some candles, and run a bath. Make a paper boat, name it the S.S. Friday or something. ^_^

Maybe I'm looking too much to the inside, or maybe not enough. I remember the whole 'if you can't find what it is you seek on the inside, you won't find it on the out' and it makes sense, but I've been looking to the inside, and I keep drawing blank. Maybe I'm not looking deep enough... I get this feeling like I'm drowning in nothing, just vast nothing.

I think it's this city, the trees here aren't like back home, warm and friendly, and alive. I miss real trees....that sounds weird o_O Maybe it's the Spring, getting me all twitterpated with fresh newness and change, all anxious to do stuff. I think I'll do the bath thing including the S.S. Friday. ^_^ If paper boats can't fix this slump, then I'll try pot! j/k ;P

BB all.